Christian Priorities - Reflection, Forgiveness and Reconciliation
By Rebecca Bowman Woods Rebecca Bowman Woods is a freelance writer and Moderator of the Board of Tylersville Road Christian Church (Disciples of Christ), in Mason, Ohio.

Currently, I am serving as the Moderator of church in a fast-growing suburb of a large Ohio city. The church is 11 years old, and we are going through some growing pains, as many eleven year-olds do! We've been trying to replace our Associate Minister, who left unexpectedly, and at the same time, hire someone to work in the office. By early May, everyone on the search committee had put in many hours, with still much to be done.

So when I received an e-mail from the Pastor's wife expressing concern that we weren't moving fast enough, I took offense. I didn't respond to the e-mail right away. Unfortunately my inaction led to a heated confrontation between the two of us the following night at the church, with her husband, who is also my Pastor and good friend, caught in the middle. The three of us left the church that Thursday night and drove off in different directions, the conflict unresolved. As I drove home, I was so angry and hurt that I found it difficult even to pray.

My husband, usually a very calm person, became angry when I told him what had happened. We talked about leaving the church but decided instead to take the following Sunday off to cool down, and wait and see what happened after that. After two hours of talking, I was still upset and couldn't sleep. Although I don't like to involve others in private matters, my husband suggested that we call his father, who has spent over 20 years in church and denominational leadership positions and has seen it all.

Talking to him made me feel better. He shared with me a story of a difficult situation that he'd had, as Moderator, with an Interim Pastor. "Hang in there and don't quit," he said. "You never know what God is preparing you for. We'll be praying for you."

Friday came, and then Saturday. I was still feeling very down about the whole thing - cycling through anger, then disappointment, then despair, and back to anger again. I was tired of replaying the whole thing in my head, and of trying to figure out who was right or wrong. My father-in-law's advice seemed right, but I still had a hard time picturing myself going back. I tried praying, but again, I felt that I was neither capable of listening to God, nor of asking for the right things. "Help me Lord," was finally all I could ask.

When Saturday night came, I realized that I needed to tell my parents, who attend the same church, so they wouldn't hear it from someone there the next morning. "You're doing a great job," Mom told me. You're doing the right things for the church. Don't quit." Coming home from their house, I felt better.

Sunday morning, Mother's Day, was beautiful and sunny. We went out and had a nice, leisurely breakfast. We came back and finished some yard-work. But things didn't feel quite right. I couldn't even remember the last time we had stayed home from church for any reason other than vacation or illness. Every time I looked at a clock, I'd think "oh, the Sunday school class is just finishing up," or "they're serving Communion now."

I checked my e-mail…no profound apologies from the pastor or his wife, nothing except my daily e-mail devotional. As I clicked to open it, part of me was secretly hoping for one of the "strike down my enemies" Psalms…but instead, the Word I received was titled, "NO MATTER WHAT," based on Matthew 18:21-35. The passage begins with the story of Peter asking Jesus a question about forgiveness.

Peter came and said to him, "Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times."

Jesus continued by telling the disciples a story.

"For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. When he began the reckoning, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him; and, as he could not pay, his lord ordered him to be sold, together with his wife and children and all his possessions, and payment to be made. So the slave fell on his knees before him, saying, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.' And out of pity for him, the lord of that slave released him and forgave him the debt. But that same slave, as he went out, came upon one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and seizing him by the throat, he said, 'Pay what you owe.' Then his fellow slave fell down and pleaded with him, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you.' But he refused; then he went and threw him into prison until he would pay the debt. When his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their lord all that had taken place. Then his lord summoned him and said to him, 'You wicked slave! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not have had mercy on your fellow slave, as I had mercy on you?' And in anger his lord handed him over to be tortured until he would pay his entire debt. So my heavenly Father will also do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother or sister from your heart."

By Sunday night, I knew I would not only return to the church, but that I would resign myself to doing a better job. I realized that I loved these two people with whom I had disagreed, and that the three of us were in this "growing church" adventure together. I thought about what it must have been like for them to start a church, mid-career, and about the sacrifices and contributions both had made. I felt ashamed of my righteous indignation and selfish grief over the time I had put in on behalf of the church, which paled in comparison to the years they had invested. The whole thing seemed unnecessary, almost ridiculous, and I realized I was deeply sorry that it had happened, regardless of who was right or wrong. It was time to ask forgiveness, and to grant it if asked.

God brought reconciliation and forgiveness to our situation. My four-day journey from conflict and anger, through despair and hopelessness, and back to compassion and reconciliation is one that I can't fully comprehend. And why should I expect to? For it wasn't my own thought process. It was God at work in my life.

I also realized that I wasn't alone on this journey. As I had told my story to my husband, his father, and my mother, God had worked through them to help them listen and empathize, and to offer love, support, and guidance. Now I had some work to do. My husband was still angry and hurt. My in-laws were still praying for us. My own parents were waiting to hear how they could be supportive.

Having told them the worst, I felt that God wanted me to go back and share the best. Although it seemed awkward, and I struggled to find the words, I believe that this extra step was important. They needed to know that they, or more accurately their willingness to let God work through them, made a difference. That their prayers on my behalf were answered. That given enough room, God's love prevails.

<<Back to Archive

View for Printing

Contributors
Staff
Advertising
Internships

Send this Page to a Friend

Add Me to Mailing List