Establishing Priorities for Youth and Family
By Pat Fletcher
Pat is an elder and a Sunday School and Confirmation teacher at Shallowford Presbyterian Church. She is also a parent, a Religious Studies Major at University of North Carolina at Greensboro and an Associate at the Youth and Family Institute of Augsburg College, Minneapolis, MN.

One of the myths prevalent in today's society is "adolescents don't want anything to do with adults." This myth is portrayed in television programs, movies and music. It appears to be a deliberate attempt to alienate adolescents and adults at a very vulnerable time in the lives of our teens. Yet research shows that the number one factor in a young person's faith development is the mother's influence.(Search Institute) The father's influence is ranked as being the second. Youth leaders, ministers, and friends come in way down on the list. So what does this tell us about developing faith in our young people?

First of all, the family is an important part of an adolescent's life. Even though there are the "push/pull" dynamics occurring, the wise parent will understand that equipping their young person for independence doesn't mean setting them adrift. Boundaries remain crucial. The challenge for parents during this time is choosing which issues the parent wants to address. If continuing to nurture your child's faith development is important then here are some ideas for you:

Yes, your adolescent may have been baptized or confirmed as an adult member. That's supposed to mean they are able to make adult choices. If this choice includes not attending church, perhaps they aren't ready to make adult choices so you have to make it for them. Or you can put it in terms of letting them choose which church they want to attend, not if they are going to attend.
Are YOU setting the example? Where are you on Sunday morning? Are you involved in some type of Christian Education activity? Do you have a Bible somewhere other than on a bookshelf?
Are you interested in your young person's life? Is there a time during the day when you can talk? Do you have dinner together? When do you tell the stories of your faith experiences? Consider adding a message to your answering machine that says something along these lines: "Hi! If you are calling between the hours of six and seven pm, please leave a message as this is our dinner hour and we won't be answering the phone." (Oh and turn the TV off!)

Second, it's important that parents model the faith for both their adolescents and themselves. In today's busy, manic world, it's hard to find time to do our jobs, chores and have anytime left over for us. But if we are serious about the faith development of our young people, then we have to be serious about our own. Try to make time for prayer. Times that might work for you are: shower time, driving time, stoplight times, etc. Try getting up 5 minutes earlier each morning and reading one Bible verse and letting it play around in your heart the rest of the day. Want some quiet time with God? Lock the bathroom door, run a bubble bath and just relax.

Third, young people can do these things as well. Three things adolescents need a lot of: food, sleep and opportunities to socialize. Try incorporating these needs of your young people into your concern and desire for their faith development. Mealtimes will include talking and sharing the faith. Encourage a practice of prayer both before and after sleep. Work with other parents that are also committed to faith development of their children. Encourage, brainstorm, seek, and offer social opportunities that are fun and safe.

A final word to parents: Don't be afraid to say, "I don't know." Some of the most genuine sharing comes from these three words. If you can admit you don't know, then maybe you can open the door for questions and discussion. Keeping the doors of communication open is worth the effort. Don't give up on your young person. Be a visible presence in their lives. It will be worth it!

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