I was so disappointed. With a deep sigh, I set aside the packet of information I had requested concerning church-related careers. It contained plenty of information on careers for men, but nothing where women could earn a decent living.

Years later, I decided to attend seminary. During my first semester, I walked into a chapel service. To my great surprise, a woman was preaching. She was superb - better than most men I had heard preach - and she was ordained. As my years at seminary progressed, I discovered there was a woman apostle in the New Testament who was both commended by the Apostle Paul and imprisoned for her faith. I learned that Phoebe was the deacon and leader of her congregation, and that in the Old Testament, Deborah held the same position of leadership and authority for the Israelites as the judge Samuel.

How could one reconcile this blatant female leadership with the biblical texts concerning the silence and submission of women? Surely the Bible is not that glaringly inconsistent.

So began my quest. I realized that perhaps I didn't have enough information, or the right translations or interpretations of the Bible concerning women. I headed for the seminary library.

My search for answers spanned five years and nearly 100 books and articles from several libraries. I found many other authors with the same questions who found some intriguing answers. My clouded questions cleared. The overarching theme I uncovered is that God is not interested in hierarchies, or in male dominance/female submission, or in keeping gifted women out of effective service for the kingdom of heaven.

For example, the Greek word translated "head" in 1 Corinthians 11:3 meant "source" in New Testament times. The Ephesian directive for submission includes men submitting to their wives. I learned even Abraham submitted to Sarah.

Overall, modern scholarship revealed to me a God who loves femaleness just as much as maleness; a God who creates and loves all human beings equally; and a God who is interested not only in our salvation, but also in human development, human justice, and human equality.

My journey brought me into a deeper awareness of God, and a much more rich and satisfying relationship. I have found greater freedom in Christ and a more profound understanding of the receptive, nurturing, enfolding love of God. My disappointed sigh of long ago has become a sigh of profound relief.

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