The Power of Honest Positive Thinking
By Chris Crouch
Chris is an author and President of Simple Works Consulting, LLC. He offers seminars and consulting that focuses on improving employee productivity and career satisfaction. He recently published The Contented Achiever, and Simple Works.

Some Negative Thoughts on Positive Thinkers

You've encountered them often during your life. They're overbearing, obnoxious, and sometimes even arrogant. Ask them how they're doing and they say something ridiculous like… "I'm doing great and getting better all the time!" They are members of the "Hallelujah Society of Pseudo-Positive Thinkers of the World." They try to convince you that every obstacle and every problem can be overcome with positive thinking. They tell you that everything will be great if you just learn to "think positively" all the time. They advise you to never allow negative thoughts to pass through your mind. Their personal lives are often a wreck. They can be positively maddening! Personally, I'd rather hear the sound of fingernails dragging across a blackboard than hear their voices. I'd rather…

Whoa! That was a pretty negative start to an article on positive thinking wasn't it? I thought it might help illustrate a point - THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU IF YOU ARE NOT A POSITIVE THINKER 100% OF THE TIME! YOU ARE OKAY! THERE IS NO NEED TO FEEL GUILTY! YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON! Looking at things from a positive point of view is great. However, allowing yourself to feel whatever you are feeling, be it positive or negative, seems much healthier than trying to cover up bad experiences or the normal vicissitudes of life with forced positive thinking.

I agree with authors Mark Goulston and Phillip Goldberg of the book Get Out of Your Own Way who say that,

"Being okay doesn't mean feeling okay all the time. Rather, it means being able to experience appropriate feelings without denial, self-deception or repression. Mentally healthy people feel what they are supposed to feel: when they are angry, they feel anger; when they are sad, they feel sadness."

Reverend Gene, Blows Off Steam!

Sometimes people are especially surprised when "spiritual" or "religious" people express negative emotions. For some reason, many people think truly spiritual people should just walk around in a state of bliss all the time, never experiencing the normal frustrations of life.

When I was young, my Uncle Gene, who was a Presbyterian minister came to spend the weekend with us. He was having car trouble and I saw him in our backyard working on his old Volvo. As I walked up to his car I overheard him saying some, shall we say, less than generally accepted Presbyterian words as he threw a wrench across the yard. I was shocked! "Uncle Gene", I said, "I didn't think preachers said words like that." He turned and looked at me over the top of his glasses and replied, "Son, most preachers don't own an old Volvo."

It was a good lesson for me. I knew Uncle Gene was a sincere man. I also knew he was a true spiritual leader. I respected Uncle Gene before and after the Volvo-cursing event. It was good to hear that you don't have to give up being human to pursue a spiritual life. He told me it was perfectly okay for spiritual people to express honest emotions and feelings. He also told me to get the wrench from the other side of the yard and, oh-by the way, "don't mention the under-the-hood words to your parents."

The "Big Four"

According to The Elements of Counseling by Scott T. Meier and Susan R. Davis, counselors typically look for one of the "Big Four" of feeling words: (1) anger, (2) sadness, (3) fear, and (4) joy when they are diagnosing their clients. Once they identify one of these feelings, they can often begin developing a strategy to help the client. By the same token, is seems reasonable to allow yourself to feel these emotions and work through them rather than covering them up if you want to remain healthy. Covering up your true feelings with forced positive thinking might prevent or delay your journey to a more joyful and satisfying life. If you think you need professional help to deal with some heavy emotional baggage, by all means, go for it. However, some of you may be able to use simple journaling and pivoting methods to work your way through some temporary negative feelings.

A Pivotal Point

When you feel yourself experiencing a less than positive emotion, pause, acknowledge and become aware of the feeling then see if you can pivot or redirect the emotion and send it in a more positive direction. For example, ask yourself, "What would I advise my best friend, spouse or child if he or she told me she felt like this?" Then take your own advice. We are all "experts" at giving other people advice we should take ourselves. When you find yourself dwelling on what you do not want to happen; change the focus of your thoughts and feelings to what you do want to happen. The point is, don't deny negative feelings; become more aware of them and use them as a basis to turn things around.

Here's a tip…journaling works great when you are trying to pivot. Get a journal; an inexpensive notebook from the drugstore will do just fine. If you are angry or sad about something, write a few pages about it in your journal. Get it off your chest, let it all out, and cry on the pages if you want. Journal pages are as accepting as a friendly puppy.

When you finish acknowledging your true feelings, write a pivoting statement. For example, if you're angry, write about how you will feel when you forgive and let go of the anger. If you are sad, write about something you are looking forward to. If you can't think of anything else, write a few sentences describing what you can learn from your experience or what you will do different in the future if you have a similar experience.

Allow your journal to be your best friend. When you were a kid, you could tell your diary anything. Now that you are adult, you still need a place to go that allows you to work through negative thoughts rather than trying to act like grown-ups and suppressing them. Suppressing anything takes a tremendous amount of emotional energy that could be better used to turn things around in your life.

Honesty is the Best Policy

Having said all of this, I am a believer in the power of positive thinking. I love to read positive books, listen to positive tapes and be around truly positive people. But I also believe when you are feeling angry, sad or fearful you probably don't need to be told to ignore your true emotions and just "think positively". Try dealing with your negative feelings honestly. Go beyond the power of positive thinking and learn the power of honest positive thinking.

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