Memories - Meaning - Mystery
By Laura Kirkpatrick
Laura J. Kirkpatrick is the Associate Minister for Discipleship at First United Methodist Church, Valparaiso, Indiana, and she recently earned her Master of Divinity at Garrett-Evangelical Theological Seminary, Evanston, Illinois.

"All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen." - Emerson

Growing up is full of uncertainty, anxiety, and questions, such as "Who am I? Who will I become?" As one wrestles with these questions, at various stages of the growth process, it is important to pause, reflect, and remember. In my own life, I have recently encountered this type of experience.

As a rookie minister, I am striving to be a full-time messenger of God's Word, a servant to God's people and a vessel of God's love. But, in order to "be", I am grasping for my foundation, my center, the core of my faith.

As a teenager, I received an awesome gift; I had the opportunity to participate in a youth fellowship led by six adults determined to compassionately plant seeds of God's love in our hearts. With their leadership, we met weekly, went on two annual retreats, and attended the conference summer camp. The retreats and summer camp took place at the same location, and all three events ended with a commitment (or re-commitment) night. As a "pleaser", I found these nights to be consumed with tears of guilt realizing my sinful nature was letting God down. Oh, how my heart ached and my soul craved to be perfect for God. My youth leaders would catch my tears as they listened to my confessions. And in the end, I thought they were the "coolest cats" on earth; I wanted to be just like them! (Of course, not considering this could literally take place.)

Time has passed; I have persevered through higher education; I have claimed a residence at an address other than my parents' home, and thank God, I've worked through much of the guilt and on into joy! And along this journey, the seeds of my youth leaders have been nurtured; they have grown into fruit, and by the grace of God, I am now passing on the seeds.

Last weekend, I found myself leading a young adult retreat at the same camping facility where my youth leaders led me. I found myself teaching the Word in the same room where I learned the Word. I found myself catching tears and offering compassion in the same Chapel. I found myself planting the seeds. Yes, the first person "I" is used above, but the "I" is a vessel thanks to the seeds of other "I" vessels.

Emerson writes, "All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen." Through the forty days and forty nights allow yourself to pause, reflect and remember. Who has caught your tears? Whose tears are you catching? This is where you will find the grace of the Resurrection. This is where we learn to trust the Creator for all we have not seen.

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